Do you remember?
When all the girls had ugly gym uniforms?

When it took five minutes for the TV warm up?

When nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school?

When nobody owned a purebred dog?

When a quarter was a decent allowance?

When your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?

When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot?

When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box?

When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents?

When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed ...and they did?

When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?

Lying on your back in the grass with your friends and saying things like "That cloud looks like a .", and playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home? Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe"?

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do Over!"?

Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening?

It wasn't odd to have two or three "Best Friends"?

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was "cooties"?

Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot?

A foot of snow was a dream come true?

"Olly-olly-oxen-free" made perfect sense?

Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles?

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?

Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?

Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!! Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown-up" life.

I double-dog-dare-ya!

The Perfect Scam
Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution
for the following scam:

A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and
make payments via check.

After several weeks, the company writes back
explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company check.

However, due to the name of the company, few people
will present these checks to their banks. The name of the company: 'The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company.'

From Scott and Stacy
Think about this. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true

1. There are at least two people in this world
that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in
some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is
because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone,
even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before
they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves
you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever,
something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on
you, take a look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received.
Forget about the rude remarks.

So...If you are a loving friend, send this to everyone, including the
one that sent it to you. If you get it back, then they really do love you.

Happy Halloween Everyone!

More Jokes
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist
capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of
alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore,
the tourist shouted, 'Are there any gators around
here?!'

'Naw,' the man hollered back, 'they ain't been around
for years!'

'Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely
toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy,'How'd you get
rid of the gators?'

'We didn't do nothin',' the beachcomber said.

'The sharks got 'em.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country
road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus
ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old
farmer's field.

Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to
investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and
bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw
the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer,
'What happened here?'

'There's been an accident', replied the farmer. The
bus passengers were all politicians. I buried them
all.'

'Were they all dead?' asked the Sherrif.

The old farmer replied, 'Well, some of them said they
weren't, but you know how them politicians lie.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son
stop
urinating in the pool.

'Everyone knows,' the mother lectured him, 'that from
time
to time, young children will urinate in a pool.'

'Oh really?' said the lifeguard, 'from the diving
board!?!?'

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's
office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his
office
alone. He said,' Your husband is suffering from a very
severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you
don't do the following, your husband will surely die.'

'Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be
pleasant,
and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make
him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for
dinner,
prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden
him with chores, as this could further his stress.'

'Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only
make
his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the
evening
by being pleasant and giving him plenty of back rubs.
Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting
event on television.'

'And, most importantly satisfy his every whim. If you
can
do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your
husband will regain his health completely.'

On the way home, the husband asked his wife,
'What did the doctor say?'

'You're going to die,' she replied.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This guy staggers into a bar and shouts, 'A double
whisky
please barman, and a drink for everyone here... and
while
you're at it, have one yourself.'

'Well thank you sir,' says the barman and proceeds to
pour everyone their drinks.

Moments later the guy shouts, 'Another whisky for me,
and the same again for everyone else.'

The bartender looks a little worried now and says,
'Excuse me sir, but don't you think you should
pay me for that last round first?'

The guy slurs, 'I can't. I don't have any money.' With
this the bartender flies into a rage and literally
throws
the guy out of the bar.

About twenty minutes later though the guy staggers
back in and shouts out, 'A double whisky for me,
and a drink for all my friends.'

'I suppose you'll be offering me a drink too?' the
barman asks sarcastically, marvelling at the
guy's nerve.

'Not likely,' slurs the guy, 'you get nasty when
you've had a drink!'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
German scientists dug 50 meters underground and
discovered small pieces of copper. After studying
these pieces for a long time, Germany announced
that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a
nation-wide telephone network.

Naturally, the British government was not that easily
impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig
even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small
pieces of glass, and they soon announced that the
ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a
nation-wide fiber optic network.

American scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100
and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely
nothing...

They then concluded that the native americans 55,000
years ago had cellular telephones.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A crusty looking old man walks into a bank and says to
the teller at the window, 'I want to open a damn
checking
account.'

To which the astonished woman replies, 'I beg your
pardon,
sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?'

'Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn
checking
account right now!'

'I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind
of language
in this bank.'

With that the teller leaves the window and goes over
to the
bank manager to tell him about her situation. They
both
return and the manager asks the old geezer, 'What
seems
to be the problem here?'

'There's no damn problem', the man says, 'I just won
50 million
bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn
checking account in this damn bank!'

'I see', says the manager, 'and this bitch is giving
you a hard time?'

Old Ager Appreciation --- another gem from Max
Gotta Love Old People......they can do as they please.

This will warm your heart. Just when you have lost faith in human kindness:


Someone who teaches at a Middle School in Safety Harbor, Florida forwarded
the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal's office after the
school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new
radio at the lunch as a door prize, and was writing to say thank you. This story is
a credit to all human kind. Forward to anyone you know who might need
a lift today!



Dear Safety Harbor Middle School; God bless you for the beautiful radio I
won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the
Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I
am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God
bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and
always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me
listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the
night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.
She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said fuck you. Thank you for
that opportunity.
Sincerely,
Edna Walters

Decisions
Food for thought --- from Max
------------------------------

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids
already, three who were deaf, two who were blind,
one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would
you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the answer
for this one.

Question 2:

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only
your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three
leading candidates.
Candidate A -
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults
With astrologists.
He's had two Mistresses. He also chain smokes and
drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B -
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until
noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of
whiskey every evening.

Candidate C -
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian,
doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never
cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer.

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Candidate B is Winston Churchill.

Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, the answer to the abortion
question: If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.
Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think
before judging someone.

Mindless Fun
The following link was contributed by old uncle Yukon-Dave:

CLICK HERE

Don't be a 'gripe monster'.
- Life's Little Goodies -
From 'Almost a Newsletter'
http://www.boogiejack.com/

I Can't Complain

I was mowing the yard along the property line where
the woods
meet the lawn when a branch caught on my hat. When I
looked up
so I could release the branch, it released itself. As
the branch
sprung back in place, one of the twigs hit me right in
the eyeball.

It scratched my cornea and tore the conjunctiva, which
is the
membrane that covers the nerves. Needless to say, that
hurt a lot!
It kept getting worse as late afternoon turned into
evening, and I
ended up going to the emergency room for treatment.
Without
going into details, I couldn't open either eye for 2
days, and couldn't
see well enough to read for a several more days.

That gave me a lot of time to lie around thinking. One
thing I
thought of was igglespatzen frookle doop, but since
those are just
silly made-up words, I'll tell you something else I
thought about. :o)

Our first instinct when we're hurt is to let others
know...misery loves
company as they say. But then I thought, no one else
would really
want to hear about my ailment, so I didn't tell anyone
that didn't
have a need to know.

It's no real revelation that people avoid chronic
complainers. We've
all known someone that, each time we see them we have
to listen
to their woes. Sometimes they're just lonely, or are
simply seeking
attention, and I suppose there are many other reasons
they feel
compelled to complain, but the fact is, if you hear
enough of it, it
does get old. We sometimes tend to avoid these kind of
people
rather than indulge them once again.

The point is, that before we complain to others, we
should stop to
think if it's really worth complaining about. What's
our purpose in
complaining? What good does it serve?

In today's world, victimization seems to be in vogue.
Society is
becoming a screeching cacophony of whiners and
malcontents
seeking easy money, escape from responsibilities,
instant
answers, and those who want given to them that which
they're
unwilling to work for or otherwise earn.

But not you. You're better than that or you wouldn't
still be reading
this article. To be sure, we have the instinct to tell
others about our
ailments, just as I was first tempted to do with my
eye. We don't
have to indulge that instinct though. I'm just
reminding you to keep
being a positive light in the world, rather than just
another gripe
monster draining other people's emotions.

Of course, there are times we do need to "share" our
woes, but we
needn't be a burden with everything that comes along.
People
naturally like you better if you don't darken their
day.

When we realize the world isn't going to go out of its
way to please
us, we begin to understand that we are the reason
things get
better...or worse. Will we be a blessing or a curse?

If we complain too much, are negative excessively, or
we're using
our ailments to manipulate others for their sympathy
or some other
gain, then we're more a part of the problem than the
solution.

However, if we make an effort to be a blessing to
others rather than
using them for a complaint dump, then we are indeed
creating a
better world. And that's how this planet will evolve
into a better
place - one person at a time, one day at a time.

You know that, I just thought I'd remind you. We all
need a
reminder now and then. And a little pat on the back
doesn't hurt
either, so thanks for being one of the good guys, Bob.

÷÷÷÷÷÷§÷÷÷÷÷÷

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't
change it, change
your attitude. Don't complain.
~ Maya Angelou

My days of whining and complaining about others have
come to an
end. Nothing is easier than fault finding. All it will
do is discolor my
personality so that none will want to associate with
me. That was
my old life. No more.
~ Og Mandino

The only disability in life is a bad attitude.
~ Scott Hamilton

Challenges come so we can grow and be prepared for
things we are
not equipped to handle now. When we face our
challenges with
faith, prepared to learn, willing to make changes, and
if necessary,
to let go, we are demanding our power be turned on.
~ Iyanla Vanzant

The difference between a good day and a bad day on
most days is
your attitude!
~ Dennis Gaskill

Understanding Yogi Berra

"Lawrence Peter (Yogi) Berra was born in St. Louis in 1925. During his 19-year career as a catcher with the New York Yankees and Mets (1946--65), he was named Most Valuable Player three times (1951, 1954, 1955). He holds many World Series records, including most series played (14), games played (75), and World Champions titles (10). He managed the Yankees to a league pennant in 1964 and the Mets to a league championship in 1973. Famous for his comical malapropisms, such as, "It ain't over til it's over," he was featured in many commercial endorsements. He was elected to baseball's Hall of Fame in 1972." (WW.Biography.com)

I like Bio.com, but I'm appalled that Mr. Berra's allegories are summarily dismissed as "malapropisms". It is surely the antiquated cultural stereotype of the "dumb athlete" which influences the author to ignore the uncanny metaphysical insights which underlie Berra's writings. Judge for yourself:

"95% of this game is half mental."

"Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical."

"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."

"I want to thank all those who made this night necessary."

"I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."

"You got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

"Slump ? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hittin'."

"This is like deja vu all over again."

"It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much."

"I couldn't tell if the streaker was a man or a woman because it had a bag on its head."

"You can observe a lot just by watchin'."

"In baseball, you don't know nothin'."

"How can you think and hit at the same time?"

On seeing a Steve McQueen movie: - "He must have made that before he died."

"In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is."

"Nothing is like it seems, but everything is exactly like it is."

"We have deep depth."

"We made too many wrong mistakes."

"If people don't want to come out to the ballpark, nobody's going to stop them."

"It ain't over till it's over."

"If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."

REPORTER: "What would you do if you found a million dollars?" "If the guy was poor, I would give it back."

"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore!"

"Congratulations on breaking my record. I always thought the record would stand until it was broken."

"Everyone I know drinks Miller Lite. And if they don't, I probably don't know them."

"If there's one pitch you keep swinging at and keep missing, stop swinging at it."

"If you don't know where you're going, when you get there you'll be lost."

"I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house."

"Right-handers go over there, left-handers go over there, the rest of you, come with me."

"So I'm ugly. So what? I never saw anyone hit with his face."

"The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."

"There are some people who, if they don't already know, you can't tell em."

"Well, I used to look like this when I was young, and now I still do."

"Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel."

"Why don't you pair 'em up in threes?"

"You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half, you give what's left."